Pardon the me-centric post, please.
I’m leaving Facebook, again, this time for longer. I wish I was strong enough to say “forever”, but I know my weaknesses.
Friends prayed for me as I was discerning this latest departure, and I have no doubt that this is what God wants from me, right now. Current events, prayer requests from friends, my readings from the past several weeks — Judith, Esther, Maccabees, Ecclesiastes, the Catechism — are all pointing me in this direction. Sackcloth and ashes a Facebook fast isn’t, but I’ll take it.
There is so much suffering in the world today: the Christians killed and persecuted daily, the victims of human trafficking, the terminally ill, the perpetually hungry and thirsty… while here I am in my cozy house surrounded by my children and possessions, typing away at my keyboard. Every hour I’ve spent on Facebook is an hour I could have been spent with Him in the Blessed Sacrament, or with family, or doing community service … that I didn’t. So yes, I won’t deny that there’s some element of guilt here.
I’ve done some good on social media and I would not call it wasted, but good is also the enemy of best.
Last night, my 6-year-old asked if we could talk about ghosts. He’s been preoccupied lately with death and dying. Twice recently he lay awake in the dark, sobbing, worrying about things that little overthinkers worry about. (Bless his heart, he is so much like me.) Maybe we’ve talked about abortion once too many times at the dinner table, though we’ve been conscious enough not to say things like “body parts”. Maybe it’s that we visited an arboretum/cemetery recently, where he saw the small gravestones.
After much hugging and coaxing, I find out it’s not really ghosts that have been bothering him, but his conscience. A couple of weeks ago he had angrily thrown a book at his older brother and hurt his side.
God made us, and He knows we’re not perfect. We talked about God’s mercy and love and forgiveness. We talked about apologies, and the Sacrament of Reconciliation. I suggested that he apologize to his brother again, more sincerely this time. Needless to say he felt 100x better afterwards and didn’t need to talk about ghosts after all.
Those are the moments I don’t want to miss, or participate lightly in. It’s not just the 6-year-old; I have teens, and therefore teen angst and teen questions. There are souls in my care that need me right now, more than the souls on Facebook need me. Not to mention the fact that I am also increasingly dissatisfied with FB friendships. I am realistic enough to know that I can never have truly meaningful relationships with ALL my Facebook friends, but I am also Luddite enough to value the email over the Facebook “like”, the snail mail letter over the e-mail, the phone call over the voiceless chat. I haven’t done enough of these things though I keep saying I will.
I’ve been on social media long enough to know that mass conversions don’t happen, and I need to learn to quiet my spirit when I see things that I interpret as ignorance or apathy or inaction. I’ve been questioning what difference I make, out there… though what I really need to learn is to trust in God’s timing, even if it means “slow”. I do know I make a bigger difference when I invest in the one-on-one, at the point where minds and hearts and souls meet. Unfortunately, Facebook has its own annoying limits, and I have mine.
I take no pleasure in leaving, and I’m petrified of my own weaknesses, so I ask for prayers. If/When our fourth child joins Facebook, I might go back to show her the ropes, just like I did with the others. For now I’m retreating to my cocoon.
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