Miracle at Cana by Valerian Ruppert
Let’s Talk Submission: Part 1
Let’s Talk Submission Part 3: Last Thoughts
We can do a lot towards rebuilding the husband’s role in our marriages:
- We need to stop being control-freaks (speaking to myself here really) and let men take the lead whenever possible. Especially when it’s not life and death, or risking our children’s spiritual, emotional or physical well-being, then we can pick our battles and tame our tongues. Husbands have a natural need to be protector, defender and shepherd. It is by leading that my husband gains that confidence in his abilities to shepherd our family.
- We can speak to each other with a respectful tone at all times, but especially in front of the children.
- If I need my husband to take the leadership role on an important issue, simply telling him that that’s what we need from him and encouraging him can make a huge difference. This should not be difficult in a marriage where honesty and transparency are cultivated. I keep it straightforward: “I need you to take the lead on this.”
- Presenting a united front when dealing with issues is key in teaching children the teamwork that goes into a marriage. Differences can be ironed out between spouses, in private. Children should not be made to feel like they have to take sides. What they need to see is that dad and mom are on the same page especially on things that may be confusing or troubling to them.
- While discipline might require tag-teaming , the spouse who’s home the most plays the bigger role, just because he/she would have a better handle on habits that need correction, timeline of events, or whatever pertinent information there is. Whether it’s the husband or the wife is not the point. We have each other’s backs on everything, and reinforce whatever lessons we need to teach the children by referencing each other’s authority. Children need to see this interplay because it will be their pattern for when they have their own families.
- Whenever a child questions my judgment, and especially if it’s a boy, I say, “Talk to Daddy when he gets home.” This demonstrates to my child that Dad’s viewpoint is necessary and important, something our sons need to internalize for the day when they need to lead their own household. If need be, I give Dad a summary via text or e-mail or a brief phone call, so he’s prepared to deal with it when he sees the child.
Consecration to Jesus through Mary helped me a lot in thinking these things through. Mary is our model for obedience. Of the very few quotes we have from her in Scripture, her speaking to Jesus at the Wedding at Cana shows a woman who brings her concerns to Christ but then lets Him take the lead, while she teaches others to “Do as He tells you.” Letting my husband lead doesn’t mean we say or do nothing. It means developing an awareness for what needs to happen in a situation, giving my husband a quick assessment of things from my view, and then letting him decide what action to take, if any.
There will be times when we do need to take charge and grab the reins. My goal in my marriage is to make those times few and far between. I want to be a wife who has absolute confidence in my husband, and I want him to know it, and know it with a certainty that makes him believe in himself and his capabilities. Our husbands are under so much pressure these days to perform and to provide. On top of that, we have a culture that pulls him in so many different directions, putting temptations in his way. It should go without saying that we need to be praying for our husbands at all times, for him to not lose faith even in the face of failure and challenges. When he knows he can come home to a wife who trusts and believes in him, to children who see him as their mentor and guide, not someone who just metes out punishment when things have gone awry, his confidence in his ability to lead is magnified, and that’s exactly what we need to happen.
Three weeks ago, my husband and I gave a talk to young Couples for Christ in Toronto. My talk was about “Becoming A Woman God Can Use” — God can’t use us when we don’t take the time to listen. As married women, God uses us THROUGH our marriages. And He can’t use us in rebuilding family when we are part of a culture that seeks to destroy manhood and men.
Some last thoughts on this, tomorrow.
Let’s Talk Submission: Part 1
Let’s Talk Submission Part 3: Last Thoughts
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