Sex Education in the Homeschool

A homeschooling mom friend asked how we do sex ed in our homeschool, so I’m listing some suggestions:

Until age 10 or so, sex ed is pretty much “go with the flow” around here. Children are naturally curious and ask LOTS of questions related to bodies and nature, so we treat those much like we treat questions about the weather or bugs or trees. In the single digits, we usually give a simple answer and leave it at that. Children at that age, because of the simplicity of their thinking, aren’t usually looking for complicated answers.

Learning the words for body parts is a given, just like they learn the words for eyes and ears and feet at the age they need to learn them. Teaching hygiene is a non-stressful way to teach body parts. They also want to know about growing up, and they will sometimes ask direct questions, like “Will I have breasts when I’m big?” No big deal, you just answer with a yes or a no.

I told my girls about menstrual periods around age 10 or 11. Since they see pads in the linen closet and bras in the laundry, there really wasn’t much to explain, just that their bodies are changing and they’re becoming women. My husband took care of any boy questions.

Art and music are part of education, so in our field trips to museums they see nude art. We treat those just like any other art piece, talking about the artist’s technique, use of proportion, background, use of color, setting, etc. They see a healthy appreciation of the human body, a celebration of God’s creation without the hypersexualization that goes on in other media especially today. In contrast, whenever we watch a show together and there’s kissing or anything suggesting a sexual relationship between couples, we either comment (so our kids can evaluate and absorb our thought processes), or cover their eyes, or forward the scene. We do the same thing with violent or bloody scenes, up to a certain age. We do that for anything that, in our view as parents, they’re not ready for. This is so they can see practical application of practicing custody of the eyes and ears in real life. Past a certain age, it becomes their responsibility to decide whether to look at certain images or watch certain scenes or not. That’s really a maturity thing and will vary from child to child. Much of it also depends on what they’re exposed to on a daily basis.

The same thing applies to music. We expose the kids to as much classical music as possible starting from infancy. It’s relaxing, and like fine art they get exposed to beauty, so when they get pop music, they can immediately tell the difference. And when they hear the hypersexualized (like everything else) music/lyrics that we have these days, they also know to turn it off or switch stations.

We did try to read books like The Joyful Mysteries of Life, Mother’s Helper (for girls), and Listen Son (for boys), but to be honest even these Catholic-approved materials felt a bit unnatural for us to use. I found it easier to just read it myself and if I found anything that I haven’t covered, discussed it with the child in mostly informal, unplanned sessions.

Around puberty or pre-puberty, if a parent wants a formal sex ed program, my best recommendation would be Theology of the Body.

For the parent: St. John Paul II isn’t a saint for nothing. Read the original audiences. They will take some unpacking, so don’t hurry through them.

For the kids: There are teen courses on Theology of the Body.

Re group settings: The setup that worked best for us was small groups with parents involved. The main thing here is parent involvement, because we know (or should) where our child is in terms of sexual maturity and what he/she needs to know at this stage in life. When parents aren’t involved and you’ve got a mix of kids, you have no control over the exposure the other kids will have had and will bring into the conversation. Some will need more information and guidance than others. It’s best if the kids can have similar backgrounds so that they each get what they need out of it. An already sexually active kid will need different guidance from one who’s just starting to be aware of the opposite sex and/or has never been in a boy-girl relationship. Learning from peers is unavoidable at this age (for better or worse, and it’s the same rationale behind secular sex ed programs), but we want to make sure everyone gets what he or she needs without shortchanging or overwhelming the others.

Bottomline, we parents are capable of educating our children on sex, we’ve just been intimidated by the secular approach that says it should be left to the professionals.

I promise to say more in Part 2.