Recently, the subject of socialization came up again at the forum. It hit me hard that day because I was just recently informed of another “concerned person” commenting about our children. This particular person ASSUMED that my 16-yo feels badly about “still being homeschooled despite her age”.
I really don’t get it. If you do, please explain it to me. This person knows our children. He has commented often enough about how our kids are great, how smart they are, blah blah blah, etc.
I DON’T GET IT! Regularly, we get comments from people about how wonderful our children are, how well-behaved, how friendly, how nice, yada yada yada…. and yet underlying all this is the unsaid portion of the statement as it trails off… so I’m going to supply it here.
What people usually seem to say (and correct me if I’m wrong) when they compliment our children, is
“They are so (supply positive adjective here)….. [snip*]despite the fact that they’re homeschooled![/snip]”
* the part of the sentence left unsaid, but is most definitely hanging in the air
I think I’m being reasonable enough in supplying that part of the sentence, when it COULD really be a number of things, because their next sentences are usually comments on how they can’t possibly homeschool themselves, they’re not capable, they’re not smart enough, they don’t have the time, how it’s so hard to raise kids these days, so many bad influences, how parenting is so difficult, etc., etc. Usually it’s along the lines of “I don’t know how you do it” or “You’re doing something different” (presumably, different from “other people”, including themselves — well yes I am!).
People, it’s NOT ME. Yes, of course, I have a bit to do with it here and there, but let’s try to think about this logically, shall we?
1. If you’ve met any homeschoolers, you probably would agree with me that they’re pretty normal, fun, okay kids.
2. If you haven’t met any homeschoolers, then you really shouldn’t pronounce judgment until you’ve met at least a few, say TEN (that’s a small enough number, don’t you think, given that there are approx. 1+ million kids being homeschooled in the US these days, and the numbers continue to grow around the world). Get out there and meet some, PLEASE. Then come back here and keep reading.
3. Now let’s think about this. You think my kids are great. Do you somehow think they’re the EXCEPTION to the rule? That they’re actually ANOMALIES? Because let me tell you now, THEY ARE NOT.
4. My kids are great, yes, but so are the bunches of homeschooled kids that I’ve met in our 9+ years of homeschooling!
5. So…. if MY kids are great, and you already know they’re not geniuses or Tiger Woods or some type of child prodigy who needs to be put in a lab and tested and poked; if you’ve already come to the conclusion that MY kids are not *that* special, but that they are good kids…. can’t you make the mental leap from there that MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, at least some, maybe more, maybe most of the homeschooled kids out there ARE normal too?
6. And that my kids are normal, great, kind, polite, etc., NOT DESPITE OF being homeschooled, but BECAUSE OF?
7. And that if that were the case with my children, then PERHAPS that’s the case with other homeschooled children as well?
Is that really too much to ask? Sigh…..
Now going back to the person who thinks my child should *be in school by now*. First of all, she COULD be, yes. We asked her specifically if she wanted to attend public school when we moved back here (not that this is anyone’s business but our own, but since I’m already venting here…).
She would be entering high school so it wouldn’t have been a big deal. High school is when most public school kids switch gears anyway and attend a different institution. But no, SHE CHOSE to stay homeschooled. Every year, we ask her if she wants to go and she doesn’t! (You might find this funny, or not, depending on where you’re coming from, but some of us actually THREATEN to send our kids back to school when they don’t behave!) When our other kids reach high school age, yes, we will ask them if they want to go to regular school as well.
So, to answer more sometimes-left-unasked questions:
8. Yes, a lot of homeschooled kids opt to go to high school. A lot of them don’t. It just depends on the child and the family. I’m sure these people would not appreciate it if *I* told them to get their kids out of public school and private school because I think their kids are getting TOO MUCH SOCIALIZATION. (Just imagine if the tables were turned, and every time you met a homeschooler, you would be asked to justify your reasons for sending your child to public or private school.) So why should people care if mine “don’t get any”?
9. Which is another thing I don’t get. Really the biggest thing I don’t get. In one sentence, they praise my child for being so kind-nice-polite-whatever. Five minutes later, they express concern about her socialization. Again, let’s try to think logically about this. If my child is already so great, that A THINKING ADULT would think her worthy of such praise, don’t you think she’s been SOCIALIZED ENOUGH? Do you expect her to carry a gun or two in her backpack? Do you expect her to bully some little kids at the playground? Do you expect her to mouth off in public and act out and answer back when talking to her parents? I don’t know what people want! They say they want good kids, but when they see them/talk to them, they think “something’s missing”.
You know, now that I think about this, “well-meaning” — in this case — doesn’t mean that at all. It means they think you’re doing great, but that you’re still not doing everything you’re supposed to do. It means they think you’re SHORTCHANGING your children because you didn’t do this or that. I could just pick a flip answer and say that’s between me and my God, but I’m so tired of this “S” word. I’d send you to my kid’s blog to show you just how “socialized” she is (a little too much, really, in my opinion). But really, what good would that do? People will believe what they want to believe.
I could say more but I’ll stop. I’ll just let other people speak for me, since I share a lot of their thoughts on this matter anyway.
Whew, this topic is exhausting! I’m gonna go now and grab my tea and wake up my unsocialized kids. Maybe I’ll open some windows today and get some air in because they’ve been locked up in their closets all these years.
Recent Comments