before I attempt to remove the speck in my brother’s/sister’s eye….
It always stings a bit whenever I hear/read this gospel, today’s reading. I have learned years ago not to criticize people to their face or say things that might/will offend — at least I try not to do this if I can help it. That’s not the hard part — with everyone being so politically correct these days, there’s not much you can say that will offend. This is one reason I dislike parties with strangers/acquaintances. So much small talk, so much “pleasant” talk going on, but nothing that will really touch the heart. It’s all so superficial. But I digress…
The hard part about this gospel reading, and the reflection I read about this morning in “In Conversation with God” is the challenge to apply this to the people closest to us. It is difficult to have children that you KNOW is your duty to correct and guide — there is always the chance that you will offend and hurt their feelings. Especially with words spoken in exasperation and frustration. I find myself being more impatient with Yena these days. Mostly because she’s 4 and starting to show much independence. She is quick to say a humble “I’m sorry” when reprimanded, and is instantly contrite…. but she is also quick to yell and scream and throw a tantrum when dealing with her brothers — and usually she’s the one who’s wrong. And I have to be firm with her and tell her this is not the way to do things. When I’m in the right frame of mind I can do this gently. But there are times during the day/week when I am not the best person I can be and I end up yelling at her to stop whining. Which of course does not help things. She is so demanding of us and our time, and of course at 4 it is hard for her to understand that Mommy needs to get off the couch after reading her 6 books, because I have other things I need to do….
And the older kids…. I sometimes don’t know how to tell them they’re doing wrong, without offending them. Like when I don’t approve of a certain song Aisa’s listening to…. or when Paco acts like a selfish brat…
It’s especially hard when I remember that at Aisa’s age I was listening to some troublesome music myself. And that I’m not completely sinless, to this day, when it comes to listening to music or watching movies or reading books that really don’t help my internal life. And that I was as selfish as Paco when I was his age, maybe even more. Even now I have to overcome these selfish tendencies.
And since Bong and I have always had fun talking about anything and everything, this special privilege between spouses also allows us to make fun of or criticize people that we wouldn’t normally do had the person been in front of us. Sometimes it’s serious criticism where we wonder how we can help a person we love. Sometimes it’s mean-spirited and just poking fun — for no reason at all; we don’t always do this, but we’ve done it enough in the past to bother me and know it’s not acceptable practice. It’s part of our culture, but more and more I am becoming cognizant of the fact that we can’t continue to do this, even privately, even when it’s just me and him, when there is no possible positive outcome for such a conversation.
Lastly, there’s two women I met last year who bother me… and it’s probably because there’s a lot of similarities between us — in terms of personality, goals, our being control freaks… I need to remember to think well of them and pray for them to overcome this slight irritation I experience whenever we meet or talk.
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